From of a genus commonly seen during the 1980s and 90s, the now rare sub-species Tarzanus Heseltinus is thought to date from the Triassic period and can occasionally be spotted wandering around the House of Lords. During a rare outing on the latest edition of the BBC’s HARDtalk the former Deputy PM suggested sending the army into poorly performing schools to protect fragile “young girl” teachers from “thugs”. What former military officers would know about teaching was not explained.

Perhaps Heseltine imagines teacher training colleges are populated by 21st century Jean Brodies?

“I’ve got great sympathy with the fact that many of your teachers are young and many of them are girls … Why don’t you recruit retired army officers to act as the discipline within a school?”

Interviewer Stephen Sackur does his best to not laugh in Heseltine’s face:

Indulging Heseltine’s barmy scheme, Scrapbook can think of at least one former army officer ripe for redeployment:

IDS: former Scots Guard and trained killer

Perhaps it’s not such a bad idea after all!

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