Of course, like all babies, within three years it will be throwing tantrums in public, answering back and saying “no” to everything.

Source: Facebook

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Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has today conceded that he’s even less popular amongst rank and file Liberal Democrats than he is with the public.

Abandoning the party’s long-standing policy of equidistance was always bound to cause ructions, with Scottish Liberal Democrats like Menzies Campbell and Charles Kennedy favouring a coalition with Labour. But with the Liberal Democrats’ Chief Secretary to the Treasury being the designated hatchet-man, and rumours of the LibDems most popular figure contemplating defection its little wonder that grassroots members are getting “nervous.”

Recent polls show LibDem support playing a game of limbo, posing only one quesiton: “how low can they go?!”

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Vince Cable wet wipes were also included.

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Special Advisers: Richard Reeves, Lena Pietsch, Jonny Oates and Chris Saunders

With reports that it is barely coping with the pressures of government, Nick Clegg is looking to expand his private office, Scrapbook can reveal.  Growing frustrations in Whitehall have led to a rethink of operations by civil servants infuriated by the poor performance of the Deputy Prime Minister’s “shambolic” team. The revelations come as Nick Clegg’s tenure “minding the shop” is extended by David Cameron’s paternity leave.

With suggestions that his role as DPM has led to the neglect of his ministerial portfolio, Clegg has defended his appointees as having been “swamped” with work on his political and constitutional agenda. His advisers share the Cabinet Office with five different Tories, including the minister with responsibility for such reforms, Mark Harper. Rows over lack of clarity on key policies have stretched coalition bonhomie, with the “extremely bright” Harper said to be “all over the problems like a rash”. One Source told Scrapbook:

“No one can get an answer from Nick Clegg’s office about anything, especially regarding election legislation”.

Expansions and reshuffles may see attempts to shoehorn more Liberal Democrats into 70 Whitehall as supposedly impartial civil servants. A number of partisans are known to work around the Cabinet Office and 10 Downing Street without official “SpAd” status but the coalition has already been criticised for rowing back from commitments to limit political appointments.

Yet more Special Advisers through the back door?

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UPDATE 20:05 Following more than 24 hours of conspicuous silence from Kennedy (save an email to Clegg which they didn’t release) he will resurface tonight/tomorrow in an interview for Scotland’s Sunday Mail.

UPDATE 23:50 The full Mail interview isn’t online yet but AP has some quotes “It is absolute rubbish … I am not joining the Labour Party and have not had any discussions about it with anyone from the Labour Party … I will go out of this world feet first with my Lib Dem membership card in my pocket”. Very good, Charlie, but why didn’t you say that 24 hours ago? Not a very good week for Liberal Democrat pressers.

Where on earth is Charles Kennedy? It is now late afternoon and he still hasn’t gone on the record to quash speculation he is is plotting a defection to Labour. Denials, however strong, from ”a spokesman for the Lib Dems” or “Lib Dem sources” simpy ain’t the same thing as word from Kennedy and, embarrassingly, leave the whole party establishment in the dark.

As Liberals scramble to cobble together a “this is a silly season rumour” narrative, the bog standard rebuttal from pundits has been backed up by arguments around timing. Iain Roberts writes on Lib Dem Voice:

“One thing would be very odd indeed were the story to be true: the timing. The information clearly hasn’t come from Kennedy, but from the Labour Party. Yet if a party – any party – has a defector crossing the floor, they move heaven and earth to time the news release for the maximum media impact; and that’s not in the dead days of August. The party conference season is just a few weeks away.”

However other sources have questioned the conventional wisdom of a conference season bombshell. Scrapbook can reveal one mooted strategy is a defection before September 1st, just in time to back the younger Miliband in Labour’s leadership contest:

“I’m told  that he has been in talks with Ed Miliband and will be endorsing him. The plan would be to defect just before ballot papers go out so he has a vote.”

It is possible the whole thing will transpire to be a shot across Nick Clegg’s bows. But if Charles Kennedy’s intention to cross the floor is in doubt, his antipathy for the coalition is not. With a habit of missing whipped coalition votes, he reportedly remarked to one colleague “I don’t want to vote for these bastards”.

If he doesn’t go on the record soon just watch the negative briefings (and the muck) start to fly. With the copy deadline for Sunday papers looming large, Kennedy will be under enormous pressure to clarify his position.

The journalists will definitely be looking for Charlie this evening.

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DPM Nick Clegg, Tory council leader Stephen Greenhalgh and incensed Labour MP Andy Slaughter

The hapless minister is dispatched to a photo opportunity at a children’s centre, only to be harangued by parents and the local MP because the facility is being closed. The coup-de-grace comes when, retreating to his government Jaguar, he is presented with “save our home” cards created by young children. This may sound like a plot summary from The Thick Of It but that is precisely what happened to Nick Clegg yesterday.

The following package was broadcast on BBC London News after Political Scrapbook scooped the tale of the DPM’s disastrous visit to Shepherd’s Bush Village Hall yesterday afternoon. Keep an eye out for the flummoxed special adviser, incensed local MP and a distinctly uncomfortable council leader:

Further to the icy treatment of the broadcast media (and parents) depicted in the video, Nick Clegg completely stonewalled the local Fulham Chronicle newspaper and was equally purse-lipped with Labour MP, Andy Slaughter, refusing to back the centre he was using for a photo opportunity:

I asked him in a private interview after he had made pizzas with the kids for the cameras, whether he supported the Shepherds Bush Families Project and wanted it to stay open.  He wouldn’t answer – Andy Slaughter MP

En-route to his next engagement Scrapbook hopes Clegg took time to read the cards presented to him by two little girls. They read simply:

“Mr Legg [sic], please save our home”.

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Nick Clegg and his staff were left red faced this morning after arranging a visit to a community centre facing the chop due to government cuts. Having not done his homework properly, the DPM arrived at Shepherd’s Bush Village Hall seemingly unaware that the facility was being closed. As the error dawned on Liberal Democrat spinners, his entourage employed “bully boy” tactics in a vain attempt shield him from questions posed by the assembled local press and centre users.

The centre has fallen victim to a policy of asset stripping by Tory-run Hammersmith and Fulham Council dubbed as ideologically driven by opponents. The cuts to a dozen buildings across the borough were supposedly enacted “as a result of the national public spending squeeze”. However council leader Stephen Greenhalgh (who memorably accused the Tory front bench of having never “run a p*ss up in a brewery”) has insisted on pressing forward with electorate-pleasing cuts in council tax despite the claimed difficulties in civic finances.

Scrapbook are currently trying to lay our hands on pictures of the DPM being handed ”Save Our Centre” cards by children on the first floor of the building.

Not really the photo opportunity Cleggover wanted.

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DPM Clegg mimicking the soon-to-be extinct celebration of former footballer Alan Shearer

David Cameron’s waxwork figure Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg this week revealed the Your Freedom website, which allows voters to suggest which laws they would like to be repealed in an effort by the coalition to extend civil liberties. The first laws to be abolished are those of football. Mr Clegg said:

“As creators of the laws of football, we retain the right to repeal them. Following the dismal performances of the England team in South Africa, the Government intends to action this right, removing all football laws, and thus the game itself, from existence and restoring the freedom of many Britons not to be regularly humiliated on the world stage.”

Reaction in the footballing community has been mixed. England midfielder and phantom goalscorer Frank Lampard told reporters:

“It’s a shocking decision, which ultimately has cost us the game.”

Manchester United and England forward Wayne Rooney was more philisophical, however:

“At the end of the day, we’ve given 110%, but we haven’t performed well enough. When it comes down to it, it’ll be disappointing not to earn obscene amounts of money while loads of other people lose their jobs and stuff, but like, I’ve probably got enough now anyway. At the end of the day, like I said, it’s the Deputy Prime Minister’s decision and you’ve gotta go along with it.”

The decision has been met with universal acclaim in Scotland and Wales.

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Charlie K’s expression is prescient.

UPDATE: Double irony alert! Scrapbook wonders whether David and George recall this advert from 2008?

*Exclusive to all blogs.

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Peek-a-boo! Cameron is seated directly behind Gideon and – crucially – out of the way of the troublesome dispatch box camera used for 95% of news packages:

So, where are prime ministers supposed to sit during difficult budgets? Here’s a clue:

Front benchers are acutely aware of the (usually positive) impact of proximity to the speaking member.

The seating arrangement obscuring Cameron is no accident.

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