Tag Archives: john hemming

John Hemming MP tables motion complaining about the metric system

With the average cost of administrating an Early Day Motion rising from £290 in 2005/06 to a whopping £443 in 2009/10, perhaps the polyamourous John Hemming MP should pause before tabling motions pointing out that “a ton is greater in weight than a tonne”:

“That this House notes the reports in the BBC and other media outlets of the intention of the Chancellor of the Exchequer to come down like a tonne of bricks on wealthy people who sell properties through offshore companies to avoid stamp duty; recognises that this is part of a trend of metrication of traditional British phrases;”

He continues:

“… believes that, given that a ton is greater in weight than a tonne, this understates the Chancellor’s commitment to action; accepts that there is merit in using some metric units for measurement, but regrets the unnecessary metrication of traditional British phrases;”

Before finishing:

“… calls on the BBC and other media to cease the metrication of traditional phrases forthwith before people end up being exhorted not to give another 24.5 millimetres rather than not giving another inch.”

The motion was tabled yesterday and currently has one signature.

Has he not got anything better to do with his time and our money?

John Hemming writes 700-word essay to deny series of affairs

The notorious “kitten theft” trial hit the headlines not only for bizarre video footage of the crime but the love triangle between a Liberal Democrat MP, his wife and mistress, and the grim details of his serial philandering. John Hemming has now decided the dignity of his position is best served by submitting a 700-word apologia to the Birmingham Post.

The rambling statement (click image below to enlarge) sets out the history of his romantic entanglements and denies the reported extent of his unfaithfulness:

“A much-repeated myth is that I have had 26 mistresses. I have not.”

And it seems the MP cannot resist making a number of bitter accusations against his wife, including abandoning their children before a family holiday and attacking his mistress with garden pruning shears.


Hemming dedicates the final sentence of the piece to the sentiment that his estranged wife should be spared a custodial sentence.

Naturally, the imprisonment of the mother of his children is secondary defending his own reputation.

Wife of John Hemming MP found guilty of stealing kitten from mistress

Back in February, the long-suffering wife of Liberal Democrat MP John Hemming told a court in Birmingham that she didn’t steal his lover’s four month old kitten:

“Apologies to the public purse, but I am not guilty.”

The jury begged to differ and seven months later she has been found guilty of stealing the cat with thanks to damning — not to say embarrassing — video evidence, which shows her crawling around on all fours to avoid CCTV cameras she helped to install.

Thankfully for Christine, however, there is no footage of her putting the moggy in a wheelie bin.

Jury in John Hemming MP kitten theft trial retires to consider verdict

Having previously told his local paper that he could not promise to curb his philandering, the trial of John Hemming’s wife for stealing his mistress’ cat has provided yet more evidence of the Birmingham MP’s moral bankruptcy.

With the jury now retired to consider its verdict, we can reflect on Hemming’s bizarre domestic arrangements, which see him living openly with two different women. Scrapbook’s ultimate highlight has to be this gem, which reveals he may rival Nick Cleggover’s “no more than 30” boast:

“I recall I had said that there were about 26 different people with whom he had had liaisons, but at this point we did have quite severe arguments about what he was doing.”

Now we know about the notches on his bedpost perhaps he will now follow the example set by his leader and rate his own sexual prowess.

Judge: behaviour of John Hemming “not only unacceptable but shocking”

Naming super-injunctee Ryan Giggs in parliament has the press queuing up to pat Birmingham MP John Hemming on the back: “Agent Hemming, good man, did his deed during a Commons Statement about the injunctions farce.”, cries Quentin Letts in the Daily Mail. But yesterday wasn’t the first time the Liberal Democrat took the law into his own hands.

In 2008, Hemming offered “unfounded allegations” against a clinical psychologist to support a woman’s appeal after her child was taken into care. Lord Justice Wall described his behaviour as an “abuse of his position” and “not only unacceptable but shocking”:

“I find it not only unacceptable but shocking, that a man in Mr Hemming’s position should feel able to make so serious an allegation without any evidence to support it. In my judgment, it is irresponsible and an abuse of his position. Unfortunately … it is not the only part of the case in which Mr Hemming has been willing to scatter unfounded allegations of professional impropriety and malpractice without any evidence to support them.”

Addressing criticism of the court made on Hemming’s website, the appeal judge said:

“That they are made publicly by Mr Hemming once again strikes me as an abuse of his position … I am astonished that somebody in Mr. Hemming’s position should have seen fit to put such a disgraceful allegation into the public domain. I reject it unreservedly.”

For Hemming, a knowledge of the legal system seems to be less important than how many publicity points he can score.

Serial adulterer John Hemming: press makes people “behave properly”

Brass-necked John Hemming is enjoying the publicity afforded him by parliamentary privilege. The Birmingham MP busted Fred Goodwin’s superinjunction and had this to say for himself in a Daily Mail op-ed today:

“The job of the Press is to make sure people know what is going on. If they are able to do so, those in the public eye are more likely to behave properly as a result”

Naturally, this doesn’t apply to Hemming himself, whose serial philandering continues despite maulings in the press.

You don’t have to be a sanctimonious hypocrite to be a Liberal Democrat. But it helps.

Super injunctions and the Liberal Democrats

For once, Liberal Democrat MP John Hemming was recently in the news not for his brazen philandering but using the legal protection available to MPs to reveal Fred Goodwin’s super injunction from the floor of the Commons. The court order banned the media from describing the high-flying banker as, erm, a banker, amongst other undisclosable things.

But would Hemming apply the same principle of disclosure to a senior member of his own party?

Just asking.

MP's wife pleads "not guilty" over kitten theft charges

The wife of John Hemming MP has denied burgling the home of her husband’s lover and stealing a kitten. As covered on Scrapbook previously, the long-suffering Christine Hemming was charged with burgling the home of the MP’s mistress and mother of his love child, Liberal Democrat councillor Emily Cox.

The 52-year-old told the court:

Apologies to the public purse, but I am not guilty.

The trial will commence on June 21.

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