Mark E. Smith of post-punk band The Fall was asked in Saturday’s Guardian what his ideal fancy dress kit would be. The gnarled Mancunian responded:
“A Jack Straw outfit, including voice and face.”
Conversely, Scrapbook would be fascinated to hear what a Jack Straw punk band would sound like.
Perhaps some form of role-swapping TV documentary is in order?
Kicking back with a cold one yesterday to watch his favourite TV show (Come Dine With Me), Jack Straw may have recognised one of the contestants. A star of the East Lancashire edition of the fly-on-the-wall cookery programme, “old-fashioned plumber” Nick Holt is in fact one of the region’s most notorious BNP activists and stood against Straw in the 2005 general election.
Holt is certainly no stranger to Conservatives in the area. CCHQ found itself fire-fighting in 2009 after Local Tories were exposed by the Lancashire Telegraph’s Tom Moseley for approaching the BNP activist to stand for them in council elections. Holt even attended a party planning meeting alongside then Conservative PPC – now MP for Rossendale and Darwen – Jake Berry.
With a menu featuring the suspiciously French-sounding beef bourguignon, Scrapbook assumes Holt did not clear his cuisine with party headquarters prior to broadcast.
Yesterday’s debate in the House of Commons on the Parliamentary Voting and Constituencies Bill found Jack Straw on fine form. In what was one of his final performances at the despatch box the man presently styled as “Shadow Deputy Prime Minister” has clearly checked out.
While accepting an intervention it was unclear whether he was giving way to Daniel Kawczynski or Edward Leigh. When Leigh asked Straw “Which one?” the Rt. Hon member for Blackburn replied:
“The tall one!”
A few minutes later he accepted Leigh’s intervention by saying:
“I’ll take the shorter one now.”
He subsequently went on to refer to David Davis as the
“Right Honourable member for Haltemprice and … and … the other place”
Jack, you will be missed.
Former Home Secretary Alan Johnson has declared he is to run for the Shadow Cabinet in the forthcoming elections. It had previously been thought that Mr. Johnson would follow top-cabinet colleagues like Alastair Darling and Jack Straw in stepping back from the political front line.
Johnson’s decision could potentially scupper the Shadow Cabinet plans of leadership contenders as it would be hard to sideline such a high profile and popular figure. Since Scrapbook last covered the Shadow Cabinet elections it has become increasingly clear who the major players are and what jobs they fancy.
In the event of a Miliband (D) victory Douglas Alexander is being lined up as a potential Shadow Foreign Secretary, with fellow Scot (and campaign organiser) Jim Murphy being considered for either Defence or Work and Pensions.Harriet Harman is rumoured to be getting the Justice brief regardless of who wins, and though he fancies the Shadow Chancellorship speculation is rife that Ed balls is being lined up as a Shadow Home Secretary – a prospect that may have been scuppered by Johnson’s announcement.
Top posts are filling up fast.
And this is before trying to squeeze in whichever of the Milibrothers comes second.
UPDATE 21:40 The Guardian have the story, with quotes from Straw: “[David Miliband] has the strength and the depth to stand up to David Cameron at prime minister’s questions week after week, and he can stand up for the people who will be most badly hit in our communities by the policies of this Con/LibDem government.”
Where the Labour leadership contest is concerned, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to establish where Jack Straw’s sympathies might lie. With the frantic eleventh-hour push to get Diane Abbot on the ballot, our analysis of her nominations in June tracked the flow of support from two sources: splinters from the John McDonnell camp and other backers “donated” by the older Miliband. Unless the great survivor of Labour politics was, unbeknown to the Westminster village, a secret sleeper agent for the Socialist Campaign Group, Jack would be backing David.
With any announcement of substance amplified by the news vacuum of parliamentary recess, this Animal has heard whisper that an official statement may be forthcoming, possibly before the weekend. This brings into relief some canny tactics from MiliD: anyone nominating Diane Abbot could be held back for a subsequent announcement of genuine support at a time of the campaign’s choosing.
Clever boy.
The former British ambassador and connoisseur of Tashkent strip clubs Craig Murray famously stood against Jack Straw in the 2005 general election. Apparently still consumed with bitterness towards his former boss, Murray again weighed into the recent contest in Blackburn, backing an apparently “credible and impressive” independent candidate and even travelling to Lancashire to speak at an election event. True to form, Murray had identified someone with a weaker purchase on reality than himself in the form of deposit-losing embarrassment Bushra Irfan. Conor Pope’s hilarious dissection of her election leaflet is also available on his blog The Audacity of Pope.
You’re an independent candidate in a safe seat, where the incumbent MP is a minister. Your leaflet needs to make an impact, to raise your profile in the constituency.
The first thing you need to do, the absolute no-brainer, is to have your face super-imposed onto a symbol of hope that has a strong connection with the town you’re standing in. For example, if you’re standing in Blackburn, the Statue of Liberty would be the logical choice.
Next, you should probably have the word STOP! in big red letters above a picture of you making a gesture that looks reassuringly similar to a fascist salute.
Also, have a checklist of bad things the current MP has done. Try and over all bases; accuse them of being war criminal and a murderer, but also of “being insensitive”.
The last thing – and this is a biggie, this’ll show people you’re serious – the last thing you absolutely have to do, is get a picture of the defending MP and (this is the clever bit) mock him up like a vampire. Yeah, a vampire. Think about it. A vampire, with blood dripping from his mouth. That’ll work.
The PPC of this story is the, er, flamboyant Bushra Irfan, who was supported by the conspiracy nutjob and Independent candidate in Blackburn at the ’05 General Election, Craig Murray. Together they brought a bit of colour to the campaign. Ms Irfan stood in Blackburn this time around, polling fewer than 1,500 votes.
You can follow Conor on Twitter @conorpope.
It’s probably quicker and easier to burn that £500, but many with more money than sense prefer to blow the money on a deposit in order to humiliate themselves as hopeless independent candidates.* In the run up to the general election Scrapbook will be paying tribute to these kamikaze politicos with this irregular feature.
The man below is standing against Jack Straw in Blackburn. It all looks a bit Screaming Lord Sutch but Scrapbook isn’t convinced that this is for show!
I’m sure the Justice Secretary must be terrified.
*Don’t even start with “typical Labour arrogance” etc. We’re talking John Smeaton and Sir James Goldsmith here, not Martin Bell or Peter Law.
One of the only punches Nick Griffin managed to land on the other Question Time panellists was something of a low blow. While his father saw service as a Spitfire engineer in World War II, Jack Straw’s old man was a conscientious objector.
The Suffolk Evening Star carried an interview with Edgar Griffin yesterday, detailing his two years “National Service” in India. Suspicions arise as conscription (and National Service) didn’t start until 1948 – three years after the war finished.
It’s a bit complicated but Unity has more over at Liberal Conspiracy.
