May/10
14:39 3
The best campaign ever (as endorsed by Craig Murray)
The former British ambassador and connoisseur of Tashkent strip clubs Craig Murray famously stood against Jack Straw in the 2005 general election. Apparently still consumed with bitterness towards his former boss, Murray again weighed into the recent contest in Blackburn, backing an apparently “credible and impressive” independent candidate and even travelling to Lancashire to speak at an election event. True to form, Murray had identified someone with a weaker purchase on reality than himself in the form of deposit-losing embarrassment Bushra Irfan. Conor Pope’s hilarious dissection of her election leaflet is also available on his blog The Audacity of Pope.
You’re an independent candidate in a safe seat, where the incumbent MP is a minister. Your leaflet needs to make an impact, to raise your profile in the constituency.
The first thing you need to do, the absolute no-brainer, is to have your face super-imposed onto a symbol of hope that has a strong connection with the town you’re standing in. For example, if you’re standing in Blackburn, the Statue of Liberty would be the logical choice.
Next, you should probably have the word STOP! in big red letters above a picture of you making a gesture that looks reassuringly similar to a fascist salute.
Also, have a checklist of bad things the current MP has done. Try and over all bases; accuse them of being war criminal and a murderer, but also of “being insensitive”.
The last thing – and this is a biggie, this’ll show people you’re serious – the last thing you absolutely have to do, is get a picture of the defending MP and (this is the clever bit) mock him up like a vampire. Yeah, a vampire. Think about it. A vampire, with blood dripping from his mouth. That’ll work.
The PPC of this story is the, er, flamboyant Bushra Irfan, who was supported by the conspiracy nutjob and Independent candidate in Blackburn at the ’05 General Election, Craig Murray. Together they brought a bit of colour to the campaign. Ms Irfan stood in Blackburn this time around, polling fewer than 1,500 votes.
You can follow Conor on Twitter @conorpope.
Sep/09
19:12 2
Craig Murray: “I’ll be back”
Oh, dear. It turns out Scrapbook spoke too soon. In a blog post entitled “I’ll be back” our favourite former mandarin has promised to return:
“Thanks for all the messages of support, encouragement and rude exhortation. In the process of pulling myself together, and hopefully this blog will get campaigning again in about a week.” – Craig Murray
Thankfully Murray is not an unstoppable cyborg assassin sent back through time from 2029 but a tedious incompetent with a penchant for hanging out in Tashkent lapdancing clubs.
Which constituency will he lose his deposit in next?
Aug/09
13:49 1
Craig Murray: I’ve had enough
Former British ambassador Craig Murray has come to a realisation:
“I am afraid that the result of Norwich North by-election has severely dented my appetite for blogging.”
You almost feel sorry for him. Whether or not he was “shafted” by New Labour, Murray now recognises that his chosen strategy for raising the profile of human rights issues and, perhaps more important to him, attacking the government has failed.
Murray has flunked his chance. Rather than settling down to a tenacious long campaign with his books and the occasional appearance on Newsnight he opted to become a shrill, voter-repelling and (in the case of his campaign against Jack Straw) very bitter protest candidate.
He should have been Mark Thomas not David Shayler.
Aug/09
14:41 1
Craig Murray biopic screening on Comedy Central
This weekend Scrapbook chanced across a series of comedy shorts entitled The Former Ambassador Robert Thornton.
The theme lyrics are as follows:
“I used to be an ambassador, then I got fired from work. Now I live in a caravan.”
Remind you of anyone? Replace the caravan bit with being an intellectually dishonest Labour-obsessed conspiracy theorist and you’re getting somewhere.
Catch Craig Murray Robert Thornton on Comedy Central or YouTube.
Aug/09
17:40 1
Will the Craig Murray rules apply to Esther Rantzen? Here’s hoping!
Esther Rantzen: She's Still Standing (in Luton South)
Much to the chagrin of Mike Smithson, Craig Murray was relegated to the ‘also standing’ category (alongside the BNP and Monster Raving Loony Party) during media coverage of the recent Norwich North by-election.
The big broadcasters failed to cover his campaign in detail on the basis that he wasn’t a ‘serious candidate’ and had no record of electoral support in the area. Former BBC journalist Martin Bell‘s candidacy in Tatton South was one of the big stories of the 1997 election and is used as a device to argue that independents like Murray should be given their due.
The same arguments are now being trotted out for Esther Rantzen’s campaign in Luton South. While many reach for a nice mug of Ovaltine to enjoy Craig Murray, others reach for a TV-destorying weighty object when Esther appears on screen. Scrapbook is praying that the Murray rules will apply to Rantzen on the basis that this ‘TV personality and campaigner’ practices smugness at Olympic level.
As contemptible as Luton South MP Margerat Moran’s ‘flipping’ was, it is simply not in the same league as Neil Hamilton‘s cash (in brown envelopes) for parliamentary questions. But the most crucial distinction is that Bell was going head-to-head with Hamilton, who had rejected calls to resign his seat. In contrast, Ian Gibson had already stood down in Norwich North, which meant that Craig Murray was up against squeaky clean ingénues Chloe Smith and Chris Ostrowski. Martin Bell overturned a Conservative majority of over 20,000; Craig Murray lost his deposit.
Similarly, Margaret Moran won’t be contesting Luton South. Rantzen is already shifting the emphasis of her campaign away from expenses towards “vulnerable children, the disabled and the mentally ill”. In May 2010 – a year since the expenses scandal broke – the imagination of the general public will be captured by the prospect of a Conservative landslide rather than a carpet bagging self-publicist who “didn’t know anything about Luton except that it had an airport which you got to from King’s Cross”.
Her admission last week that she can’t win is hopefully the final nail in the coffin:
Some people have taken great glee in saying I won’t win. Do they think I’m completely deluded? I mean, of course I won’t win. I don’t have a flying chance.
But it can be argued that Esther has already got what she wanted, a resurgence of interest in, erm, herself:
I’ve been caught in a maelstrom of media interviews and the telephone at home in Hampstead, north London, has been ringing non-stop.
The ‘satirical song in the 80s genre’ was a regular feature of Victor Lewis-Smith’s criminally underrated TV Offal. Targets included David Attenborough, Dale Winton, Loyd Grossman, Carol Vorderman, Chris Evans and ‘talking horse’ Esther Rantzen:
“But now we must stop ‘cos our lawyer says that Esther will sue!”
For the uninitiated there’s plenty more TV Offal on YouTube.
Jul/09
15:20 6
By-election candidate discovers cure for insomnia
What is it about Norfolk and rubbish election videos? Last week Scrapbook blogged on Iain Dale’s wearisome effort for North Norfolk in 2005 but may have stumbled across something even worse.
Former British diplomat turned “everyone is against me” conspiracy theorist Craig Murray stood as a spoiler candidate in the recent Norwich North by-election. His Put an Honest Man into Parliament campaign despatched a DVD to every single voter in the constituency. Scrapbook supposes that the amount of money spent to garner 953 votes and lose a deposit will elicit more than a titter in some quarters.
His website’s banner link pleads to “Invite Craig to Speak”. You can then click through to a page which proclaims that:
“Craig is much in demand as a hilarious after dinner speaker”
Shall we have a look at our witty raconteur in action?
That’s nine minutes. There’s more here, here and (yawn) here, which brings the total to half an hour of video sent to every household in Norwich North. Some will thank him – it’s got to be more effective than counting sheep, eh?
So. Following his rider, you’ve booked the en-suite hotel room and “in the interests of the environment”(!) you’ve booked his non-budget flight (plus £30 for incidentals). Just don’t expect him to actually turn up:
Do keep reminding us as the date approaches. We are often under a lot of deadline pressure, and there is a danger of an appointment being overlooked, so do not worry about nagging!
Apparently you can book Craig by emailing craigmurray AT mail DOT ru
One at a time, please!
Jul/09
09:10 0
Quote of the Day
After losing his deposit in Norwich North, Labour-trolling conspiracy theorist Craig Murray has finally realised he is, erm, a bit crap:
“I am probably the worst by-election candidate in history” — Craig Murray
More on Murray later today.
