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Way back in 2002, Theresa May was doing a very good impersonation of someone who cares about civil liberties:

"We want to encourage ... neighbourhood policing, giving people back power and stopping this constant centralisation which this government has brought in."

And even as recently as 2010, May was still keeping up the pretence by earnestly telling everyone this:

"This government is taking (steps) to reduce the control of the state over 
decent, law-abiding people and hand power back to them."

Of course May – like any good Tory – is  a good old-fashioned authoritarian at heart and now she’s got her hands on the reins of power, the pretence that she gives a flying f*ck about civil liberties has pretty much gone out of the proverbial window.

Here’s what Theresa’s been doing since she became Home Secretary to “reduce the control of the state” and “hand power back” to us:

 

May to increase state surveillance powers with Snooper’s Charter

Home Office to spend £1.8 billion on listening to our private phone calls

Secret Courts: accused may not know what crime they are accused of

Government ushers in ID cards through the back door

Cameron pledges to scrap human rights

UK schools to be forced to hand over information on pupils

Government classifies non-violent activism as terrorism

Theresa May’s plans to vet TV programmes before broadcast

Ministers to be allowed to veto Freedom of Information requests

Theresa May condones detention of journalists under anti-terrorism act

Home Office threatens 7-year-old with deportation

Theresa May bars US investigative journalist from UK

 

And if we’re going to be hearing an explanation from the Home Secretary for her complete about-face on civil liberties, it would also be nice if May could explain why documents relating to VIP sex crimes are being kept secret from the public until 2056:

 

 

 

But I won’t be holding my breath.

 

NEXT WEEK: Michael Fallon

 

See also:

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: George Osborne

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: Iain Duncan Smith

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: Jeremy Hunt

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: Michael Gove

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: Philip Hammond

 

Grant Shapps: data error

Writing for ConservativeHome, Grant Shapps’ former top advisor seems keen for his old boss to take credit for the parts of the election campaign which worked, but strangely not for a new IT system which went into meltdown on polling day — leaving Tory activists across the country unable to print vital ‘get out the vote’ data.

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Philip Hammond is not known for his diplomacy.

For example, most MPs who were caught claiming massive amounts of dosh on expenses for things like unnecessary second homes (and in Hammond’s case teaspoon collections) immediately apologised profusely to taxpayers and offered to pay the money back.

Not, however, boorish multi-millionaire Hammond – who was so oblivious to public anger he said he would continue claiming for his second home until the rules changed.

And as transport minister, Hammond’s diplomatic acumen was no sharper. He ignored 200 years of cycling history and offended millions of cyclists by trying to officially eliminate the popular activity as a form of transport.

Hammond’s extreme lack of diplomatic skills were on show again when he became Defence Secretary – when he sacked thousands of armed forces personnel denying them a full pension.

And when asked by journalists about a tax dodging scheme he was involved in he undiplomatically snapped: “What has it got to do with you?

In fact, Hammond is so lacking in diplomatic finesse, he can’t even be bothered to remember the names of the people he’s engaged in debate with.

So guess who Cameron has decided to put in charge of the UK’s most important and often delicate diplomatic negotiations with our friends, allies and potential enemies?

Yep. I’m afraid so.

Unbelievably, tactless, blundering Hammond is now our Foreign Secretary – in charge of our diplomatic service.

And true to form – just a few days ago – bungling Hammond almost derailed the delicate nuclear negotiations between the US and Iran by using a gesture considered to be extremely offensive in Iran:

hammond iran thumbs up

 

In fact, in Iran, this is so bad it’s akin to giving the middle finger to someone.

So why don’t we all give a big (Iranian style) thumbs up to Philip Hammond – yet another of Cameron’s incompetent clowns who are now running the country?

 

NEXT WEEK: Theresa May

 

See also:

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: George Osborne

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: Iain Duncan Smith

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: Jeremy Hunt

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: Michael Gove

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: Theresa May

 

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Act of Gove: a legal term for an unstoppable destructive force of nature or disaster beyond our control.

 

Here are a few examples of destructive Acts of Gove:

Michael lowers standards of education in our schools

Michael takes primary schools back to the Victorian era

Michael abolishes summer

Michael forces 400,000 schoolchildren to be taught by unqualified teachers

Michael refuses to drive 40 minutes for hospital x-ray and blames NHS*

 

But Gove has not only targeted education and the NHS. Michael has turned his hand to destroying other things too. He single-handedly succeeded in putting young people off rap and he once had late-night broadcasting on its knees by conducting some very very creepy TV interviews.

Michael also has some extremely destructive ideas about poverty, which he thinks is caused by people not being able to “manage their finances”. Ironic considering Michael seems to need a lot of help managing his own money. Or should I say our money.

For example, Michael once claimed £134.50 from the taxpayer for a pair of elephant lamps and spent taxpayers’ money on a £110,000 limo service to go 400 yards. He also flipped his home which netted him £13,000 to cover stamp duty and £7,000 to decorate his London home.

But most disturbing of all – for someone who is decidedly unsexy – Michael likes to talk about sex A LOT. He was once caught up in a 5-in-a-bed sex romp scandal while at university, he thinks business people come to London for “hot sex” and he once described Angela Merkel as “hot”.

All of which is enough to destroy romance and put anyone off sex for life.

So well done Michael.

 

PS ‘Gove‘ is a real word in the English language. It means ‘to go about looking like a fool or to stare stupidly‘. Perhaps it should be brought back into common usage again.

 

* Luckily a Sunday Telegraph photographer just happened to be coincidentally passing as Michael left the clinic to record the event

 

See also:

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: George Osborne

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: Iain Duncan Smith

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: Jeremy Hunt

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: Philip Hammond

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: Theresa May

 

Green Crap

The Tories’ election triumph sent shudders through the solar energy industry with Ernst & Young cautioning that the manifesto made “painful reading for the renewables sector” and the solar industry’s most established trade body warning that “the outlook is obviously unclear”.

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