Boris on the Diamond Jubilee river pageant:
“A kind of Dunkirk except more successful.”
We didn’t realise Aidan Burley would be participating.
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Boris: Jubilee river pageant will be ‘like Dunkirk but more successful’
Alarm clock Britain: getting up earlier is now called “remoding”
In what is a contender for the most cringeworthy video ever produced by Whitehall, the Department for Transport has released a video in which cabinet ministers implore Londoners to get up earlier in the morning and avoid using the tube and buses during the Olympics. This unwelcome advice is euphemistically referred to as “remoding”.
Scrapbook wonders whether transport secretary Justine Greening could sound less convincing:
“I’m remoding at the moment and having a good old walk up to Cabinet. It does me a lot of good.”
Meanwhile, Francis Maude is preserving his hoard of petrol by cycling to work. The clearly out of breath cabinet secretary said:
“Actually it’s great, you feel great afterwards — a bit puffed, but it gets the circulation going!”
With the department’s flagship HS2 project remoded out of the Queen’s Speech, DfT ministers evidently have plenty of free time on their hands.
Greek fascist leader delivers Hitler-style speech
Neo-Nazis in Greece have celebrated their electoral success by partying like it’s 1939 — with jacketed heavies ordering journalists to stand and “show some respect” before a Hitler-style speech by leader Nikolaos Michaloliakos.
Guard: All rise! All rise! Show your respect!
Journalists: We just came in to record.
Guard: Whoever doesn’t want this, go out.
Journalists: What’s the problem? We were asked to rise up when you entered the room. We think this offends us.
Guard: Do it as a sign of respect!
Now leading a group of 21 in the Greek parliament, Michaloliakos jabbed his fist while ranting about immigrants turning Greece into a “jungle” and quoted Julius Caesar before thanking his black-shirted supporters.
Rumours that Nick Griffin has been sighted on a flight to Athens could not be confirmed.
Russell Brand goes to Westminster
It looks as though Labour’s loquacious Keith Vaz may have met his match this morning, when Russell Brand appeared before his Home Affairs Committee.
Giving evidence on drug policy as an addict now in recovery, the Essex-born comedian was on sparkling form. Memorable lines include:
“I see you’ve incorporated the word ‘briefly’ into the question as you’ve already noticed my propensity for verbosity.”
Asked by a Conservative MP as to consideration given to victims of drug-related offences, Brand exclaimed:
“You can tell what party they’re in from their questions, innit?”
And alluding to the Home Office’s disastrous handling of Abu Qatada’s extradition:
“Who’s next, Theresa May? She may not show up! Check she knows what day it is.”
If only some MPs were as expressive.
Boris lies during mayoral debate: says fares “will go down” if elected
Last night’s BBC mayoral debate saw Boris Johnson telling bare faced porkies, contradicting his own plans by claiming that transport fares in London “will go down” if he is elected.
After Green candidate Jenny Jones highlighted that everyone on the platform — with the exception of Boris — had pledged to reduce fares, the mayor blustered:
“They will go down in an honest and sustainable way under me”
Having already hiked bus fares by 50% and some tube ones by more than 20%, is this not the same Boris Johnson who has pledged to raise them by 2% above inflation every year for the next four years?
Ken handed the mayor a copy of his own plans while the audience laughed.
What Robocop would look like with sandals on – it’s ‘Paddick: The Movie’!
Hats off to the Liberal Democrats for this high production values attack ad on Boris Johnson. Having painted a blockbuster-style apocalyptic vision of Tory-run London, the mood lifts and we are treated to schmaltzy shots of Brian Paddick, who concludes the video:
“… with your help, we can achieve that”
“That” being a seat for B. L. Paddick in the House of Lords.
Comedian descends on House of Lords to submit his own expenses
Arriving at the House of Lords to submit their own expenses receipts, the latest video from Don’t Panic — known for their viral spoof videos on the Coalition and Fox News – showcases the manifold benefits of a peerage.
But Scrapbook is somewhat surprised the DP team have the time for YouTube videos — given that two of their number, Heydon Prowse and Jolyon Rubenstein, should be hard at work on a new BBC3 series. The programme, provisionally titled The Revolution Will be Televised has been billed as “Trigger Happy TV meets Newsnight”.
This promises to succeed where the often-misfiring Ten O’Clock Live fell flat.
‘Sack Boris’ hit Tory mayoral campaign with Broken Promises video
Boris: not so funny now.