Jul/10
14:34 8
Quote of the week: CCHQ told me to do it edition
To have been a fly on the wall in Millbank when Zac Goldsmith trotted this out on Channel 4 News:
“Every decision that we took was approved by election experts inside Central Office Conservative Party [sic], every single one of them.”
But, teacher! CCHQ told me to do it!
Jun/10
14:42 3
Quote of the day: what Kerry (nearly) wrote
CORRECTION: Apologies to Kerry, who has been in touch to emphasise that this is what she nearly published. To quote her post:
Footnote: My efforts to persuade people to take this seriously almost came a cropper then, in that I missed the ‘f’ out of global shift. This is what’s known on Twitter as doing a Pickles, Eric Pickles having once gaily informed the world that all of his shits came from M+S.
Scrapbook’s admiration of Kerry McCarthy’s new blog design quickly took a back seat to laughing very hard indeed. Was the member for Bristol East advocating some form of Maze-style* dirty protest?
“UN says that a global shit shift towards a vegan diet is vital” – Kerry McCarthy
[insert juvenile toilet humour here]
*Or, for the vegans, maize-style?
May/10
09:08 2
Quote of the day: Boris’ bizarre bazaar
Barely hours after its inception, BoJo was regaling the press with his colourful metaphor for the coalition:
“They’ve created a mongrel breed. It’s a kind of cross between a bulldog and a Chihuahua. And like all mongrel breeds I think it will have a great deal of hybrid vigour and strength.”
And it seems his imagination hasn’t yet tired, likening the new government to “a bazaar” at the Institute of Directors last night:
“I’ll swap you a married couples allowance for Trident; human rights act for an immigration amnesty”
Please, someone put him us out of his misery.
Hat-tip: Jim Pickard
Apr/10
19:14 98
Quote of the day: Dacre dump edition
“Just who was it last Friday, who laid an enormous turd on the floor next to the lifts on the first floor of Daily Mail offices?” – Popbitch
This blogger has his suspicions.
Mar/10
10:05 3
Peter Tapsell to star in Jurassic Park IV

Some nuggets that break over the weekend deserve a repeat outing on Monday. This is one of them. When Peter Oborne asked Tory Peter Tapsell – that’s Sir Peter Tapsell to you – his views on the next parliament the Louth and Horncastle MP responded:
“I’ve no idea. I look forward to it, if I can get back into it, with the greatest of interest. Judging by the newspapers there are going to be a lot of very pretty girls on the Conservative benches and that’ll be fun.” – Peter Tapsell
One at a time, ladies!
Hat-tip: LabourList
Mar/10
15:58 7
Quote of the day: knives out for George edition

“The combination of inexperience, opportunism and stupidity is a lethal cocktail … The time has come, as the crucial hour approaches, to send a man to do a man’s job.” – Simon Heffer
Just how weakened is Boy George – and it is Heffer that invokes this metaphor above – when even the Tory right prefer Ken Clarke?
The Conservatives’ biggest Europhile as (shadow) chancellor would be popcorn-worthy.
UPDATE: 16:27 Nearly three in four (72%) of Tories voting in this House of Twits poll would also prefer Clarke.
Mar/10
16:45 4
Quote of the day: Tory urinal edition
“Lucky club-goers will hear famous speeches from the Iron Lady playing in the loos”
Scrapbook can’t go while listening to Margaret Thatcher.
Hat-tip: Tory Bear
Mar/10
09:07 49
Michael Gove Times column: Ashcroft is “comedian” who puts Tories’ “entire electoral strategy at risk”
[FULL TEXT OF TIMES ARTICLE BELOW]
What does Michael Gove (the 2010 Tory front bencher) really think about Lord Ashcroft? To find out, why don’t we ask Michael Gove (the 2000 Times leader writer)! This is precisely what Kirsty Wark did last night as she ambushed the shadow schools secretary with his column of 4 April 2000:
Gove’s dismissal of a heartfelt polemic as the work of a raconteur playing to the gallery simply does not pass muster. As the then Tory treasurer (and commoner) Michael Ashcroft waited on tenterhooks for news of his ennoblement, Gove claimed unmistakably that the billionaire was a liability to the Conservative Party and rails against the foolhardiness of his elevation.
He (hilariously) compares Ashcroft to Jim Davidson, mocks his ambition to be raised to “Lord Ashcroft of Belize” while making the grave charge that the Conservatives’ “unhealthy reliance on Ashcroft puts its entire electoral strategy at risk”.
The full column is reproduced below but here are some choice quotes:
- “Surely a party determined to make patriotism and tax its salient issues would not have as its paymaster a man, like Michael Ashcroft , who was Ambassador for one foreign country and and a tax exile in another?”
- “Mr Hague certainly has a well-developed sense of humour …You certainly do not emerge strengthened as an opponent of cronyism by expending what credibility you have acting as the paid lobbyist for your own title-hungry Treasurer”.
- Ashcroft “enjoys no check on his arrogance … Why wasn’t the Conservative Party capable of seeing how much trouble reliance on this one man would cause?”
- On claims that objections to Ashcroft’s peerage were xenophobic: “You won’t make me a lord? Is it cos I is Caribbean?”
Enjoy!
Mr Hague and three nation Toryism
By Michael Gove, Tuesday 4 April 2000
The party’s unhealthy reliance on Ashcroft puts its entire electoral strategy at risk
Move over, Jim Davidson. Now there’s an even more high-profile comedian backing the Tories. Let’s give a big welcome to king of the one-liners, self-made millionaire and self-styled “wag”, Lord “I was just taking the Michael ” Ashcroft . The Conservative Party treasurer exposed a new, lighter, side to his character when he revealed at the weekend that he would seal his elevation to the peerage by taking the title of Lord Ashcroft of Belize.
And why not? We’ve had Earl Mountbatten of Burma, Viscount Montgomery of Alamein, why shouldn’t the man who collects Victoria Crosses ensure that the latest gong he’s acquired also has a military ring to it? Let’s run this one up the flag of convenience and see who salutes.
But before we had time to get on to the College of Heralds to see what the Caribbean peer’s new coat of arms might look like (tax exile rampant holding his party by the coconuts?) we were told by William Hague that it was all “a little joke”. Laugh? I never thought I’d start. Was the Tory party leader really asking us to believe that this was all a magnificent spoof, a surreal send-up of the interviewing process by the Tories’ own Ali G? Was Mickey A trying to suggest that there was something subtly racist about the Political Honours Scrutiny Committee insisting that a peer of the realm actually live in the nation whose laws he will frame? “You won’t make me a lord? Is it cos I is Caribbean?”
Mr Hague certainly has a well-developed sense of humour. He used it to coruscating effect against the Government in his reply to the Budget two weeks ago. So he must be able to see that Mr Ashcroft ‘s comments are not the stuff of good-natured self-deprecation. They convey the authentic whiff of a man who brooks no opposition to his will, and enjoys no check on his arrogance, and they serve to make an already tawdry episode quite ridiculous.
For the voters of Middle England, to whom Mr Hague sought to appeal over the weekend, the abiding memory of the last Tory Government is of an administration embroiled in sleaze, isolated from common-sense morality, at ease with foreign arms dealers and up for hire to corporate interests. The moral dissolution of that Government was lent a tragi-comic edge by the fumbled excuses it offered; the cocksure throwaway line of Neil Hamilton’s about placing a biscuit in the Register of Members’ Interests, the suggestion by David Willetts that he was using the word “want” in its “18th-century sense” when accused of misrepresenting his dealings with a member of the Commons Privileges Committee.
The impression created was of a Government without governing purpose, anxious only to keep favoured snouts in close proximity to private troughs, and so contemptuous of the public as to feed it any old swill when exposed to criticism.
One might have thought that any Conservative who emerged from the wreckage of the 1997 crash would pledge, above all, never to make those mistakes again. Surely they would steer clear of association with figures, such as Lord Archer of Weston-super-Mare, whose talent for fiction rendered all connected with him, literally, incredible. Surely they would jib at relying on such a man once they were told he was the paymaster of a left-wing party in the country whose interests he represented at the United Nations? Surely they would worry that he had used his influence to change the tax regime in that country in a manner which served his own interests but which, according to a Foreign Office memo, would make that country less capable of withstanding criminality?
But no, the Tories, fatally, foolishly, put all their eggs in the Belize basket. They secured the short-term comfort of Mr Ashcroft ‘s tax-sheltered millions, but have paid the price in credibility forgone. How can they now effectively serve the purpose an Opposition should, as the independent, patriotic, scourge of an influence-peddling administration? To paraphrase Rudyard Kipling, once you start taking the danegeld, you never get rid of the stain.
You certainly do not emerge strengthened as an opponent of cronyism by expending what credibility you have acting as the paid lobbyist for your own title-hungry Treasurer. What was Mr Hague doing calling the Prime Minister at the Lisbon summit to intercede for Mr Ashcroft ‘s peerage? How credible is your attack on “three jets” Blair when you’re string-pulling for “three countries” Ashcroft ? And how credible is your claim to speak for Middle Britain when your party thinks it’s amusing to joke about its reliance on Belize? Never mind Neil Hamilton, when it comes to making light of Parliament’s dignity, Michael Ashcroft takes the biscuit.
There is often something disingenuous about those who claim to protest more in sorrow than in anger. But genuine anger and deep sorrow are the only appropriate emotions many mainstream Tories will feel when they see their party’s spring conference overshadowed by this avoidable debacle. What is the point in this man’s money when it comes, like his peerage, with so many ignominious strings? It inhibits any effective campaign against Labour’s corporatist relationship with big business, it revives the ghosts of 1997 and it blunts any assault on Tony Blair’s manipulation of patronage. Why wasn’t the Conservative Party capable of seeing how much trouble reliance on this one man would cause? Now, it’s his party. And I’ll cry if I want to.





