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George Osborne is spectacularly succeeding in his long-term strategy for growth.

Just look at all the things he’s managed to grow since he took over as Chancellor:

  • homelessness
  • child poverty
  • unpaid overtime
  • number of working poor
  • NHS waiting times
  • low pay
  • number of zero hour contracts
  • government borrowing
  • corporate tax avoidance
  • national debt
  • executive pay
  • MPs’ pay
  • food bank usage
  • hospital closures
  • job insecurity
  • VAT
  • repossessions
  • evictions
  • energy prices
  • rail prices
  • tuition fees
  • bankers’ bonuses
  • library closures
  • NHS privatisation
  • intolerance
  • xenophobia
  • hate crimes

In fact, it seems the only thing George hasn’t succeeded in growing in any convincing way since he took over the running of it, is the actual economy itself.

Still, you could say he’s not doing all that badly for someone who spent most of his time and his daddy’s money during his extremely expensive education on all fours in black rubber pants being spanked by a dominatrix.

Any suggestions however, that George’s only job before being handed control of the UK economy was as a towel folder in Selfridges are grossly misleading.

Because the real truth is that George’s only job before being handed control of the UK economy was as a towel RE-folder in Selfridges.

And accusations that George’s privileged background means he could never understand what it’s like to do a hard-day’s work are entirely unfounded. In fact, evidence would suggest that George has always identified extremely well with the blue-collared classes. Here he is, for example, with some of his blue collar chums:

osborne blue collar

It must also be said that having to make hard choices as Chancellor, doesn’t mean George doesn’t care.

For example – at the peak of his harsh austerity measures – big-hearted George very generously decided to give the UK’s 300,000 richest households a tax cut. And in his latest budget, the old softie decided to allow the ultra-richest families to continue to live in the UK for up to 15 years in a row without paying any income tax.

And as if all that wasn’t enough, he’s kind to animals too. As evidenced by the fact George thoughtfully used £100,000 of taxpayer’s money to buy a very nice paddock in Cheshire for some horses, even though he didn’t actually have any.

Mind you, one thing slightly worries. George’s original name – before he decided to change it – was Gideon, which in ancient Hebrew means the “Destroyer”.

Gideon is also the name of a global database for infectious diseases.

And not only that, but Gideon featured as one of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse in Marvel Comic’s cult story ‘KING OF PAIN‘.

So you can’t say we weren’t warned.

 

See also:

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: Iain Duncan Smith

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: Jeremy Hunt

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: Michael Gove

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: Philip Hammond

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: Theresa May

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: Michael Fallon

 

 

 

  1. I like your work. These tories need to be exposed. All to often working people like myself are far to defferent to the likes of them.Without really thinking about it they presume that they are somehow cleverer and more informed. This is patently untrue with only a little thought some intelligent reading needed to see through the lie. Your work helps this process, thanks!

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