The hunt is on for Parliament's bottom slapper

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Kerry McCarthy reports that one confused male MP still thinks it’s the 1970s, “slapping a shocked female Labour MP firmly on her bottom in full view of other members”. Authorities are of the understanding that the “Tory grandee” concerned is also a knight of the realm.

Police would be grateful if the following members could contact the incident room so that they can be eliminated from their enquiries:

• Sir Paul Beresford MP
• Sir John Butterfill MP
• Sir Patrick Cormack MP
• Sir Malcolm Rifkind MP
• Sir Michael Spicer MP
• Sir John Stanley MP
• Sir Peter Tapsell MP
• Sir Peter Viggers MP
• Sir Nicholas Winterton MP
• Sir George Young MP

Scrapbook will leave it to readers to speculate as to the more likely suspects!