Tom Pride logo

 

Act of Gove: a legal term for an unstoppable destructive force of nature or disaster beyond our control.

 

Here are a few examples of destructive Acts of Gove:

Michael lowers standards of education in our schools

Michael takes primary schools back to the Victorian era

Michael abolishes summer

Michael forces 400,000 schoolchildren to be taught by unqualified teachers

Michael refuses to drive 40 minutes for hospital x-ray and blames NHS*

 

But Gove has not only targeted education and the NHS. Michael has turned his hand to destroying other things too. He single-handedly succeeded in putting young people off rap and he once had late-night broadcasting on its knees by conducting some very very creepy TV interviews.

Michael also has some extremely destructive ideas about poverty, which he thinks is caused by people not being able to “manage their finances”. Ironic considering Michael seems to need a lot of help managing his own money. Or should I say our money.

For example, Michael once claimed £134.50 from the taxpayer for a pair of elephant lamps and spent taxpayers’ money on a £110,000 limo service to go 400 yards. He also flipped his home which netted him £13,000 to cover stamp duty and £7,000 to decorate his London home.

But most disturbing of all – for someone who is decidedly unsexy – Michael likes to talk about sex A LOT. He was once caught up in a 5-in-a-bed sex romp scandal while at university, he thinks business people come to London for “hot sex” and he once described Angela Merkel as “hot”.

All of which is enough to destroy romance and put anyone off sex for life.

So well done Michael.

 

PS ‘Gove‘ is a real word in the English language. It means ‘to go about looking like a fool or to stare stupidly‘. Perhaps it should be brought back into common usage again.

 

* Luckily a Sunday Telegraph photographer just happened to be coincidentally passing as Michael left the clinic to record the event

 

NEXT WEEK: Philip Hammond

 

See also:

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: George Osborne

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: Iain Duncan Smith

Cameron’s Comedy Cabinet of Incompetents: Jeremy Hunt

 

Green Crap

The Tories’ election triumph sent shudders through the solar energy industry with Ernst & Young cautioning that the manifesto made “painful reading for the renewables sector” and the solar industry’s most established trade body warning that “the outlook is obviously unclear”.

Continue reading

1984: Ministry of Truth

Last night’s vote on the Welfare Bill has renewed interest in Iain Duncan Smith’s plans not only to scrap current child poverty targets but for an Orwellian assault on the Child Poverty Act: renaming it as the ‘Life Chances Act’ and removing the words ‘Child Poverty’ from the name of the relevant quango.

Continue reading